


Forget Me Not

by obsessivepropulsive



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, And So Does Everyone Else, Car Accidents, F/M, HEA all the way, Smutty Memories, Temporary Amnesia, ben just can't remember shit, but he figures it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-18 20:02:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivepropulsive/pseuds/obsessivepropulsive
Summary: They tell him that his name is Ben.He has no reason not to believe them, even though they are strangers.ORBen can't remember shit. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?





	Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> FULL WARNING: this fic contains multiple references to a car accident, severe injuries, a traumatic brain injury, and amnesia. 
> 
> FULL DISCLAIMER: i know next to nothing about amnesia, aside from the research i did for this. i combined that with my own experiences being injured in accidents. if i somehow goofed it up, please be gentle with your scolding and accept my apologies.
> 
> also an ENORMOUS THANK YOU to [raven_maiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_maiden/pseuds/raven_maiden). she turned this dumpster fire of words into a story.

 

They tell him that his name is Ben.

He has no reason not to believe them, even though they are strangers.

_No. Remember, they are not strangers. Calling them that makes the older lady cry._

So he spends the next 12 hours just like he’s spent the last three days - answering when they call him Ben. He eats the food they bring him, naps a lot, and spends the rest of his waking hours watching television.

He remembers flashes of the shows, and some of the characters, but they are jumbled together in his mind. As though someone took a few books from the shelf, ripped all the pages out, and scrambled them back together.

Except, the reassembly was a particularly shitty job. Everything is out of order and the books got mixed up, and the stories are there, but he can’t quite understand them.

The people surrounding him, in his room, hugging him and crying over him - they are a part of these books, too. Recognizable, but fuzzy and blurry in a way that doesn’t make sense.

_Nothing makes sense._

\----------------------------------

 

Leia thought the worst day of her life was the day that Ben left their house for good.

The signs had been there for months, but if Leia was being honest with herself, she had known something was different about her son for years.  He had always been painfully independent and stubborn. More than once she had to chide her husband for referring to their son as a “lone wolf,” and she had lost track of the number of concerned notes she had received from teachers over the years.

“ _Benjamin is exceedingly bright and driven, but does not work well with others.”_

Leia thought that pushing him out of his bubble, forcing him to try new things and meet new people, would be the answer that he needed. The answer _she_ needed.

Apparently Ben didn’t agree. College gave him the opportunity to forge his own path, but Snoke had ripped that opportunity out of his hands without a single protest. Leia had worked with the man before, years ago, at another school. She tried to warn Ben about the way he manipulated and used his students, but it was useless.

The last time she had seen her son he was a boy stepping into a black town car with a suitcase in hand.

When she received the call about the accident, she assumed she would never see him alive again.

And that, _that_ was the worst day of her life.

 

\----------------------------------------

 

Apparently, being 6’3” and 205 pounds doesn’t help you much when you’re hit by a delivery truck.

When Ben woke up, the first thing he realized was that everything hurts.

_Everything_.

The broken leg hurts. The arm fractured in three places hurts. The four broken ribs hurt, and the collarbone, too. But nothing compares to the pain in his head.

They said there are two fractures in his skull. One more severe from the impact of the truck, and another, less serious one from hitting the pavement. The constant pain they radiate is equal.

They say it will get better with time, just like his memory. The painkillers certainly help, but for Ben, sleep seems to be the most effective treatment.

He assumed he wouldn’t dream while he slept. He couldn’t imagine his exhausted and empty brain could produce _anything,_ much less the visions he sees behind his closed eyes— but there they were.

He feels like an entire lifetime is packed in his dreams. People, places, events that are distinctly familiar but which he can’t quite place. It’s all just a little too hazy to understand. It’s frustrating, like trying to read an instruction manual through a fogged-up window.

And then he sees her. She is crystal-clear, a sharp contrast to the blurry world he finds himself stuck in. She is always smiling, often at him. It takes over her whole face and makes her hazel eyes sparkle and the freckles across her nose absolutely glow.

She always wears white - it flows around her body, a body Ben tries not to think excessively about, but fails at miserably. Her hair is pulled back into three small buns that bounce happily as she walks.

In his dreams, he can’t keep his eyes off of her. Once he wakes up, he can’t get her out of his head. He wonders if she’s a princess from a movie he saw long ago.

After the fourth dream, he finally asks about her.

“Three buns?” Leia narrows her eyes, then laughs casually. “Oh, that sounds like Rey. My graduate assistant. I’m sure you’ve met her before, perhaps at one of the cross-campus events. Brilliant girl, sweet as can be. Funny that she would show up in your dreams.”

_Rey._

When he whispers it to himself after everyone leaves, it feels like it belongs in his mouth — like he has said it a million times before, in a thousand different places and in a hundred different ways.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------  
 

Han imagines that most parents would feel guilty thinking it. But as he looks at his son, more relaxed than he’s seen him in years, the thought echoes through his head. _Maybe it would be better if he didn’t remember._

When he woke up, disoriented and confused, asking who he was, Han never considered telling him anything other than, “Ben.”

He always assumed Ben thought his new name made him sound intimidating. Han thought it sounded stupid. Fortunately he was the first one to hear it, and he was able to break the news to Leia. That he had seen their son, seen what he had become under Snoke and the new name he was using.

_Kylo Ren._

He glances at his son, peacefully reading a novel, oblivious to the pain and despair that had engulfed his parents for the past ten years of his life.

They were relieved to discover that Ben had retained all of his major life skills - he could still walk, talk, read and write. Strangely enough, he still remembers quite a bit of his academic knowledge - he and Luke  spent several hours the day before discussing historical occurrences of amnesia.

It was surreal for Han to watch. _Way too fucking surreal._

Weeks ago the two would have been ready to rip each other’s throats out.

The doctors told them that this was normal, that memories and relationships were often the hardest things to recall. They said that it would get better with time, that Ben would slowly put the pieces back together.

Han didn’t know if he was ready for that to happen.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

 

Rey realizes with a start that she has never cried for anyone else.

Certainly, her life has been full of tears. Tears of sadness, tears of frustration. The kind of tears that soothe lonely children to sleep and give them a false sense of peace in a world they can’t control. But those tears were for _her_.

It’s not that she felt sorry for herself. Growing up with no one made her tough, and smart, and capable. She’s proud of the woman she has formed herself into.

Rey had been in the room when Leia received the call about the accident, watching as she dropped the phone and sank to the floor. Rey assumed it would be Han, always involved in some asinine project, but no, it was Ben.

_It was Ben._

She certainly couldn’t ask to follow Leia as she ran out of the building and made her way to the hospital. This may have been an emergency, but she had promised him. It was his secret to tell. Besides, he would never forgive himself if he found out that he jeopardized her position and future. So instead, she fought the urge to curl into a ball and cry - _I’m not that little helpless girl anymore_ \- and called Rose.

Thankfully, not only was Rose on-call that day, she also was working on the floor where they brought Ben after his surgeries.

It was Rose who let Rey know that he would make it, that he has pulling through, and would wake up soon.

But it was also Rose that called the next day, the day Ben woke up. There was fear in her voice — Rey could hear it in the way she said hello. Impatient, Rey demanded, “Just tell me already, Tico,” and Rose did.

_If he can’t remember his parents, there’s no way he will remember me._

Rey had spent her life being forgotten, shuffled from house to house, staying in extra bedrooms and guest rooms. Thin and slight with mousey brown hair, Rey’s last guardian had once informed the social worker that there was “nothing too special about this girl.” It stuck with her, as she worked through high school, then her undergraduate degree, and now her master’s.

And then, she met Ben. And for the first time in her life she felt understood. Like there was someone who thought she was memorable, and important, just the way she was. She felt special.

The thought of losing that is too much to bear.

Rey tells herself that she doesn’t visit because she doesn’t want things to be obvious. She tells herself that she isn’t family, so she doesn’t have the right to visit. She reassures herself that she isn’t scared or afraid, just trying to do what is best.

Rey lies to herself.

\----------------------------------------

 

Ben has gotten used to his routine over the last six days. Leia - _Mom_  - explains to him that he has always liked routines. He asks frequently about “Old Ben,” and is pleased to learn that his personality hasn’t much changed.

“You’re just how I always remembered you, Ben,” she smiles, helping adjust his pillow. There’s a tear in her eye. He assumes she is thinking about the accident.

The headaches are gone and he has started to gain some of his mobility back. His body is healing itself quicker than the doctors expected. But his mind is still jumbled and fuzzy and largely uncooperative.

“Give it time. Sometimes these things take a little longer,” he hears the doctors whisper to his parents, reassuring them in the doorway of his room. They think he is asleep, but he hears her crying, and his father comforting her. He imagines that they’ve had a loving marriage,a happy life together. As he drifts off to sleep, he wonders idly if he will ever have the same now.

He dreams of her again that night. This time, the buns are gone - her hair is pulled back partially, loose tendrils at the bottom brushing her shoulders. The white dress is gone, and all Ben can see is tan skin and freckles and he realizes that _everything_ is gone.

Because this Rey is lying naked in his bed, eyeing him as if he holds the only resolution to a very pressing problem she has. Luckily, Dream Ben is very solution-oriented.

Dream Ben, for one, moves like this is normal. Like he has done this before - kissed her sweet lips, nipped at the skin along her shoulders, tasted every freckle along her spine. He appreciates how perfectly her breasts fit in his hands, how she arches into him while he takes a hard nipple between his lips.

Dream Ben touches her like her has a hundred times, hand sliding through her wetness, filling her up with the perfect number of fingers. He tries to memorize the sound of her cries as she comes apart on his tongue, winding her fingers through his hair, grinding into his welcoming mouth.

Dream Ben doesn’t seem to have any reservations about bending Rey over, fucking her tight and close as she looks back at him over her shoulder. Her mouth is open - perfect little gasps escaping her with each thrust he takes into her. When she asks for more, he willingly obliges. He would give her anything she needs, anything she wants, just to be given the opportunity to make her feel like this again. She begs him to come in her and he does, wrapping her up in the sheets afterwards and holding her close as she falls asleep.  

Real Ben wakes up harder than he imagines is possible, glaring at the useless casted hand beside him.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Rey stands outside the door, hand paused on the handle. She can feel her heart hammering in her chest - she takes a deep breath in an effort to force her body to calm down. Her brain is overactive, spitting out random thoughts in a desperate attempt to establish some control.

_I’m sweating. I can feel myself sweating. Did I put on deodorant this morning? Why could Leia not bring these damn books herself?_

She thinks back to the last time she saw him, a week ago, standing in her kitchen in his boxer briefs. They rarely went out - it was too big of a risk that someone might see them. He had just made her come - twice - and now he was standing there, grinning while he made her spaghetti.

_He’s beautiful_ , she remembers thinking, taking in his strong body and happy eyes. In moments like these, he was all Ben, all hers. She hated Kylo, hated the idea of what Ben had allowed himself to become.

That night she begged him to quit the First Order, pleaded with him to turn away. She cried - they both cried. It wasn’t that easy, he told her. He said she wouldn’t understand. When she screamed, “I understand perfectly, Ben. You’re choosing Snoke over me!” he stormed out of her apartment.

Then the next morning he walked into traffic.

Rey stifles the urge to cry as she opens the door to his room. It creaks, but he still lies asleep in the hospital bed. She assumed he would look awful, between the bruises and the casts, but Rose hadn’t mentioned his face. The cut is deep and jagged, spreading from his cheek, across his eye and up towards his hairline. She is thankful the room is empty, unable to suppress the gasp of despair that escapes her.

Setting the books down on the table, she moves to him instinctively, tears in her eyes.

Underneath the stitches, gauze and plaster he is still Ben, still the strong, handsome man she loves. He sighs in his sleep, jerking his good hand up and murmuring to himself, his deep voice soothing to her ears. She leans in closer, near enough to take in his familiar smell and she hears it.

_“Rey.”_

She reaches out, tentatively, her slim fingers pressing to his larger hand, and suddenly, deep brown eyes are staring back into hers.

 

\------------------------------

 

Ben is dreaming of her again.

This time, they are by a fire. It must be a cabin, somewhere - he can smell the sea through the open door. It’s dark, and Rey is wrapped in a blanket, her skin glowing by the light of the flames. Ben imagines that he has never seen her look so beautiful.

She reaches out to take his hand, her fingers brushing his. The sensation is intimate, and nearly overwhelming. Suddenly, Ben is flooded with a barrage of images.

_An awkward, dark-haired boy, lonely and taking solace in his books._

_A scarred, hunched figure leading him through a set of glass doors that bleed out malignancy and sacrifice, but also a sense of belonging that Ben has never known._

_The first time he saw Rey. He’s visiting her campus, an errand for Snoke. She’s walking towards his mother’s building. She is beautiful, smiling in the sunlight. He immediately forgets what he is there for, and goes to her, a moth to the flame. She will burn him alive, he is sure of it._

The images are no longer fuzzy and blurry. Now they are clear and crisp - they click into place perfectly. The pages are suddenly back in order and Ben can read the books that are his life again and he _remembers._

He remembers everything.

Whispering her name, he opens his eyes to find her delicate hand in his, her tearful, relieved eyes looking back.

_“Rey.”_

 -------------------------------

 

Leia is worried. This isn’t like Rey - to be late, to not return her calls. She has been the best graduate assistant Leia has ever had.

Leia likes to imagine that if she had had a daughter, she would have been like Rey. Not that she had needed a daughter. _You could barely parent the one child you had_ , she reminds herself morosely.

As devastating as Ben’s accident has been, she sees it as a second chance for him. And for her as well, to be the mother she failed to be earlier in his life. She promised him the books, despite the looming meeting sucking up her whole afternoon. _Maybe he might appreciate a pretty girl bringing them?_

It should have only taken her an hour, really - to the hospital and back - but Rey had been gone for three at this point. She thought about calling the hospital, but they always seem so busy. In the end, she grabs her car from the staff parking lot and heads over to check on her son herself.

He’s asleep, exactly the way she left him last. But he certainly isn’t alone. Snuggled up beside him, nestled in the hospital bed around his wires and under his good arm, is a familiar face. A face currently resting in peaceful oblivion, with a relaxed smile that matches the one worn by her son.

“Rey?”

The girl sits up, panic in her eyes. “Professor Organa, this isn’t what it looks like, I just-”

“Mom,” her son’s deep baritone cuts in. “This is exactly what it looks like. Rey and I have been dating, for months. I saw her on campus one day - I had no idea she worked for you, and by the time I figured it out, I was too far gone to care. She was afraid you would get upset, and worried about what it would look like to others. We were trying to wait until after she graduated. We were going to let you know then, when it wouldn’t matter anymore. I need you to understand, though, that I really do-”

“Love her, I know, I can tell, Ben. You’re that obvious. I don’t care about her being my assistant - we can work that out with the university. But how in the holy hell are you actually remembering all of this?” She left her son a blank slate this morning, and this, this is nearly too much to process at one time. She can hear the edge of screeching in her voice, and mentally wills herself to back down from the edge of hysteria.

“You sent her to visit me. I told you I had been dreaming of her, seeing her every night.” Rey ducks her head, a blush spreading across her cheeks. “When she touched me, today, something, something...clicked. She pulled me out of the darkness, out of the fog. It all came back to me.”  

Leia’s heart sinks, her voice nearly faltering. “So, you remember everything, then? You remember Kylo Ren?”

Ben swallows hard enough for her to see it from where she is standing. Leia watches in confusion as an excited grin spreads across Rey’s face.

“Do you know how the accident happened, Mom?”

Leia shrugs. “They said you ran into traffic. You didn’t even stop to check, according to the driver.”

“I...I was leaving the First Order. Not just leaving, but leaving for good.” Ben pauses, squeezing Rey’s hand while she beams back at him. “I made the decision that night before, after leaving Rey’s apartment. She was right, I hated the man I had become. I needed my life back, and the only way to do it was to make a clean break.”

He takes a deep breath, glancing again at the face of the young woman beside him. Leia doesn’t miss the look of adoration that passes across his normally serious features. “Snoke didn’t take it well. He yelled at me, chased me out, threatened me. I was furious and panicked, I just wanted to get away. I didn’t even see the truck coming, it was stupid of me....” Ben trails off, brows knitted together. He looks at Leia anxiously.

“Ben, are you telling me that you accidentally walked in front of a delivery truck, which nearly killed you, because you were distracted while trying to turn your life around because you fell in love with my graduate assistant?”

“Yes.” His shoulders sag in defeat, his eyes trained at the tiles on the ceiling. “It sounds even worse when you say it like that.” Then, “I know I fucked up. Again.”

“Maybe.” Leia looks fondly at the pretty girl at her son’s side, who is currently staring at him like he has the entire galaxy to offer her. “But you know, you never had genetics on your side. Your father is a complete disaster, and always has been, but I have never loved him any less for it. If anything, it made me love him more. I didn’t have to be fearless and perfect with him - he loved me for me.”

She moves to the doorway, then turning back to Ben, she adds, “And all your father needed was a strong woman to keep him in line. But it looks like you might have taken care of that already.”

Ben pulls Rey closer, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

“Speaking of your father, I should probably call to tell him the good news.” She steps into the hallway and closes the door behind her, pretending not to notice the kiss that is deepening into a level that is probably inappropriate for a hospital setting.

She pulls out her phone - it picks up after two short rings.

She feels herself smile over the line, truly at peace for the first time in over a decade. “Hey, Han. Honey, I just wanted to be the first to tell you that we have our son back.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always, i am usually lurking around on [twitter](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro) and sometimes on [tumblr](https://obsessivepropulsive.tumblr.com/). please come visit for crappy doodles and comics.


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